When looking for a counsellor, it can go a bit like this…..
You decide to find a counsellor, and in the time it’s taken to make a cup of tea and sit down, you’ve got five counsellor websites open and they all say very similar things.
They’re all qualified. They all belong to an ethical body. They all sound warm and supportive. So how are you supposed to choose?
If you’re looking for a counsellor and feel overwhelmed by choice, this blog will help you think about what’s important to you and who might be a good fit.
What Do You Need?
When you’re looking for a counsellor, quite a lot of people start with the counsellor. They might look at what their qualifications are, where they work, and maybe their experience. Those things are useful, but they only tell part of the story. Arguably, the less important part. Perhaps the more important part is to consider what feels important to you.
Some people who are looking for a counsellor might appreciate someone who asks a lot of questions. Others process out loud and really want a space where they can untangle their thoughts without lots of interruptions. Someone else might need a counsellor who lets them reflect and pause, somewhere to become more grounded in a fast-paced world. Some might prefer a direct approach, whereas others prefer to let things unfold in their own time.
When looking for a counsellor, it’s useful to think about what puts you at ease, what helps you feel understood and able to talk openly. You might want to look for someone who’s warm and compassionate, or you might prefer someone who’s more direct and has a sense of humour. Neither is better than the other, just different. If you’ve had counselling before, perhaps in different stage of life, it might be that you’re looking for a different approach from last time. That’s ok too.
Looking beyond the basics
Qualifications, location and price are all important, but they only tell part of the story. Many counsellors have similar training and experience, which is why choosing a counsellor can feel tricky!
Two counsellors might have similar qualifications. One describes sessions as practical and solution-focussed, whereas another describes taking a relaxed and conversational approach, neither is better, they’re just different.
Quite often, what can make the biggest difference when choosing a counsellor is how it feels to work with them.
Getting a Sense of the Person
Essentially, you’re not choosing a qualification. You’re choosing someone to walk alongside you as you process things that might feel difficult or painful. Things which perhaps you may not have told someone else about before.
In my counseling practice, clients have commented on my calm approach, which enables them to become more fully present with themselves, reconnect with their feelings, and enables them in turn to be more fully present with those they care about. Others have appreciated the space to think and reflect aside from a busy schedule. I also use humour when it feels appropriate, because although I take my work seriously, I don’t believe that every session has to feel heavy from start to finish. Other people might prefer a completely different approach, and that’s ok too.
Try the Armchair Test
Something that can be helpful is what I call The Armchair Test.
Imagine you’re sitting opposite the counsellor for the first time and take a moment to reflect on…..
- Could I imagine myself talking openly with this person?
- Would I feel comfortable sharing things I haven’t said before?
- Do I have a sense that they might understand what I’m going though?
Of course, it’s not possible to know for sure how a counselling relationship might feel before you start. But noticing these reactions can be very useful. Sometimes you know things without knowing how you know them, or before your logical mind has caught up.
It’s Less about Finding the ‘Right’ counsellor
Sometimes people put pressure on themselves to find the ‘right’ counsellor. That’s understandable when you’re already feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable. But counselling isn’t about finding the perfect counsellor.
It’s more about finding someone whose approach makes sense to you, who you feel comfortable with and who you can imagine sharing your story with.
Choosing a counsellor is more about finding someone who is a good fit for you.
What’s Next?
If you’re ready to take the next step, you’re welcome to get in touch to have 20 minute no-obligation chat to get a feel for whether I might be the right counsellor for you. It can feel overwhelming trying to find a counsellor, but it’s not a decision you have to make alone. I’d welcome hearing from you.
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