Do you find yourself feeling as though you should be more ‘sorted’ by now? Perhaps you compare yourself to others who you feel might be further along in their journey and wonder if you’re doing something wrong?
Many of us automatically assume that healing- a positive thing, must feel good during the process.
But sometimes the journey towards healing is hard work, overwhelming or taking far longer than we ever anticipated.
When Healing Doesn’t Feel Like Healing
Healing is a good thing, something which is sought after and carries connotations of peace and wholeness, it can be easy to imagine that the road to healing might be similar.
Healing might feel good, restorative or somehow zen.
That’s understandable, and can also appear logical.
In fact, there might be times when healing does feel good….
When we allow ourselves to cry and feel a sense of release and relief
Or when we care for ourselves and feel comforted and soothed.
Or when we have a sudden realization which brings insight and relief.
But quite often healing can mean going to places we haven’t gone before because it’s too challenging, or it takes too much energy and it seems to ask too much of us.
Why We Avoid the Difficult Parts
Putting off looking at these difficult things isn’t just taking your time for no reason.
It’s adaptive.
Of course, we have to keep going with daily life and all it involves….
Going to work
Looking after children
Caring for ageing parents
Doing daily household tasks
It’s no wonder we haven’t got around to working through the harder parts of life with all that going on!
But underneath the busyness there can be a desire for something more.
Healing is staying with what hurts
Perhaps someone feels they’re doing therapy ‘wrong’ because it’s taking longer than anticipated, or because it feels messy and they feel hopeless about things getting better.
Sometimes we might find ourselves trying to move on with our lives without truly naming and acknowledging our feelings. Or we want to move on from the difficult things and get to the place that just feels ‘better’!
There’s a saying by a famous psychologist, ‘you can’t leave a place until you have arrived at it’.
Basically, it means that healing comes when we feel our feelings, and are willing to slow down and stay with ourselves long enough to work through things.
This takes courage, but many of the people I’ve worked with would say it’s well worth it.
Very often, they’re the clients who eventually found freedom.
Trusting the Process, Even When It’s Hard
Sometimes healing can take a bit longer than we hoped. Sometimes healing can feel messy, difficult, or just really painful. That can feel discouraging.
But having worked with clients through periods of uncertainty, or deep personal growth, sometimes the path to healing gets harder before it gets better.
That doesn’t mean that you’re doing something wrong, or worse yet, that there’s something wrong with you.
Very often in my experience, the road is hard because of what people have experienced in their lives. And when we can acknowledge what we’ve been through, grieve for ourselves and find self-compassion, then healing opens up.
Acknowledging that healing doesn’t always feel good can free us up to stay with what is rather than how we hope things might be. And when we stay with what is, we find greater authenticity, and ownership of our own stories, which although hard can also be empowering and enable us to come home to ourselves.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If reading this has resonated with you, perhaps it’s a reminder that you don’t have to navigate healing on your own. Therapy can offer a space to slow down, make sense of what you’re carrying, and gently work through it at a pace that feels right for you.
If you’re curious about counselling or would like to find out more about how I work, you’re very welcome to get in touch. I’d be happy to answer any questions and help you decide whether working together feels like the right next step.
Leave a Reply